


Lost Planet

by Angelwire



Series: From Artifice [11]
Category: Fallen Hero Series - Malin Rydén
Genre: Choking, F/F, Girls Kissing, Identity Reveal, Kissing, Promises, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Trans Female Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-27
Updated: 2019-10-27
Packaged: 2021-01-04 07:27:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,275
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21193880
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Angelwire/pseuds/Angelwire
Summary: (lost everything)





	Lost Planet

Never could the air in this city truly be called 'fresh', let alone _'clean'_, but right now, what gentle breezes drift up from the waves seem to count well enough for you. It's a nice view of Los Diablos from here. At least, of part of it. Which part never matters, just that there are all the same twinkles in the darkness, the haze of light pollution matching all the other kinds. It feels so relaxing to you. So familiar. But is that why you're here? To let it relax you? You're really, genuinely not sure. Honestly, there might have been better places for your attempt (is this even an attempt?) if you were genuine about wanting to jump. Not that a bridge is necessarily a bad choice, as far as you know. Just that-

Something pings against your awareness. Someone's approaching you. The intent is present, intent to get closer to you, intent to see you, but the rest is muddled... Who? It's a testament to tonight's calm that you prevent yourself from turning around, especially when one moment flows into the next and you finally realize who it is that's coming up behind you. Argent.

Looking like this, that should have been an exciting prospect; Lady Argent has signaled nothing less than an impending, intense bit of combat (and flirting) each time she's put herself in your way. She's not in your way this time, though. Her mind is... quieter than you've ever felt before. Only the barest hints of violence, but all outside her conscious intentions. She's really not wanting to pick a fight with you here? While your back is turned? While there are no witnesses? That fact frankly disappoints you, and it's not because you want to let loose with her again.

"You sure seem to like the view here," her voice comments from closer than you imagined. Letting your thoughts wander too much? "This is the second time I've caught you staring out like this."

You raise your eyebrow beneath the mirrored mask. "You didn't interrupt me the first time, then?"

"No. I was wondering if you'd set a trap for me, but..."

"Hardly," you shrug, not bothering to pull up your usual masked confidence. "Just helps me think more peacefully."

"How mundane," snorts Argent.

"Have I disappointed you?"

The question seems to give her pause. Why? Something inside you is pulling away from her; you don't want to find out, not from her mind. Not from anything? Knowing for sure means there's no possibility that it's the reason you want. No ambiguity. Just the disappointing reality. Don't ruin the illusion yet.

"What does it make you think of?" she asks, surprising you.

No harm in letting something out, at this point. With how little time there is left.

"The world," you reply with that unmistakable tinge of honesty, "society in general... maybe humanity?"

She snorts again, and you can feel the smirk pulling up one side of her mouth even without looking. "Don't tell me you're that big a thinker, Eidolon."

"Sometimes."

"And what are your _great insights_ into the human race, genius?"

"Nothing so much," you invisibly return the smirk, "but that it all feels lost on me."

"Hmm."

"It's a lost planet. A lost cause. I've only kept myself alive for this long because I clung to the idea that I would obliterate the wretches that tossed me into that hell," you should really stop you should really stop she's getting curious _suspicious_ it's all at you, "but maybe that's not their fault. This place still seems hellish when you look at it. They made hell for me because they were in one themselves. And I wanted to what? Make it better?" A self-deprecating chuckle escapes your throat. Argent's mind practically radiates confusion at this point, but... also a little bit of sympathy, too. "No. I'm beginning to get the point. I was a fool back then and I'm a fool now. The only thing that got me this far was a series of delusions."

Argent really shouldn't have been here. She shouldn't have been allowed to see this side of you, hear these thoughts spilling from your lips. You know that. This is convenient, though, in its own way. You weren't ever going to have the balls to jump, not really. You'd have come here in your civilian clothes if that was a possibility. Not the suit. So why _did_ you choose the suit? Again, certainly not for your protection, at this point. No, the real question is why keep asking questions like this? You know the answer.

It's because she would eventually find you.

Lady Argent is convenient because you know the bomb you're sitting on, the guillotine hanging over your head if only she could recognize it as such, recognize that it was you at the chopping block. All you need do is make sure she knows for sure.

All you need do is end it.

End it now.

"Argent."

"What?" she says curtly, but with no bite to it. Not yet.

"You wanted to see, didn't you?" Another chuckle. "For how long, hm? Since that kiss on the bridge? Or longer than that, perhaps?"

You can tell its only the pull of your implication that keeps her mouth shut, keeps her from telling you to shut up and get on with it - there's still part of her that wants to say it. The rest refuses to possibly compromise her chances of seeing this through. Seeing _you_.

What a twisted sense of attraction. Your normal instinct would be to repeat the truth that you don't deserve anyone's interest, you don't warrant it in the first place, you can't give them anything good and proper like a real woman can... but maybe in a very strange sense, you did give Argent what she was wanting, these past weeks. Again, twisted. Unreal. Fleeting. _That_, of all things, is certainly what you deserve.

You turn to better face her, and her body shifts immediately to mirror you. Her eyes are locked on yours even behind the mask. They then follow only briefly as your hands reach up to unclasp your last, thin anonymity.

Time hardly moves.

You don't breathe. Neither does she.

You drop the mask, hear with your own ears the sound of metal clinking against concrete.

See with your own eyes Argent's recognition.

"Serra... Bui." Your name. Her lips. The first time she's uttered the pair of titles with such reverence, such intimacy, such furious potential. Her gaze bores into you, and like so many times before, you feel a wide grin spread uncontrollably across your face, an expression of absolutely nothing but your brain's misplaced defense mechanism. Usually you curse it, but not now. You _hope_ she takes it the wrong way, in fact, the _worst_ way.

"Such a shame. Now you know me, and I have nothing to call you." A hollow request. You don't plan on living long enough to speak her answer more than once or twice anyways.

"Ximena," she gives you what you want, and its so disgustingly, tantalizingly gentle to hear. Only for a moment. Then the hardness returns. "Don't you ever use my real name with anyone."

"Your secret is safe with me, Ximena," but not for the reason she thinks.

Her eyes narrow. "Locus wasn't the one who possessed me, was she." A statement, more than a question. Good. Perfect. Now prod her.

"No, not at all," you tilt your head up a bit, hoping it looks sufficiently haughty. "I did."

It's honestly a testament to Lady Argent's willpower that she doesn't immediately leap at you, with those emotions bubbling up to the surface now.

Too bad. Push her.

"I used you, _Ximena_," you say. And you step closer. "I violated your body and your mind, all for nothing more than to accomplish a single goal of mine."

That does it. That tiny, fragile barrier of self control in Argent's mind breaks in half, and in a mercurial flash, the silver woman nearly crushes your throat in her grip. Nearly. No, not so nearly as you were hoping, because you're not dead yet. Argent pulls you closer, yanks you, stares you in the face with a look that's halfway towards ending your life on its own.

"How _dare_ you," she growls. You still smile.

"I don't know. There can be no justification for it."

The slap she delivers to your cheek plainly speaks to her agreement.

"I committed a sin against you, a sin that can't be erased with any number of apologies," you continue, and she rewards you with another, harder slap. This time you taste blood.

"I should kill you," Argent snarls, but the edge is starting to waver. "I should, but..." Fuck. Why? _Why_ would she ever hesitate here?

"Then kill me!"

It's not working. Why in the hell is she reacting like this? Reacting like you'd just struck her such a painful blow, eyes widening, feet pulling her just a step or two backwards, fingers releasing your neck? This was wrong. Argent wasn't supposed to do this, _feel_ this. She was supposed to kill you, maim you, _gut_ you like the worthless sack of flesh you are. Fuck. No. Please. Don't let this happen. You don't want to live through what you just did, what you just said.

"Or are you chickening out? What happened to not letting anything stop you from getting what you wanted?" Even trying again like this to provoke her fury doesn't sound right to you. You _know_ it doesn't sound right to her, either.

"What I wanted..."

This has been perhaps the worst performance of your entire life. For all your talents, your expertise, your experience, here you are trying and utterly failing to manipulate Argent into killing you. It would be possible if you reached into her mind and forced her to, but even in service of granting you this release... no, absolutely fucking not. Never again. Never violating her again.

But now that means you have to deal with the reality present in front of you, that of her internal conflict. It turns your stomach to feel her weighing her emotions, her _desires_, to see it in her face and her eyes and her body language.

She thought she wanted revenge above anything else.

You thought she did too.

Maybe that was your fatal mistake, actually. Assuming you'd seen her deepest core desire.

You were very, very wrong.

Argent steps forward, and her fingers once again reach for you. But you can't bring yourself to hope, even for a moment, because the touch is kind this time, forceful but certain not to harm. She pulls you in again, and she kisses you, and now you're crying. You're crying. She notices. Doesn't stop. Her arms, powerful and perfect and inescapable, draw you in further and further. The fingers curl around the back of your neck, entangle in your hair. You don't offer any resistance to her tongue, either. It slips in. She's so warm. Warm, and soft, and gentle, and you don't deserve gentle you don't deserve any of that, no, never, you never could, especially not from her-

And even more abruptly, she pulls away.

"You were right about one thing, Serra Bui," she speaks, her tone utterly inscrutable. "No amount of apologizing could make up for what you did to me."

"I know."

"You dying can't make up for it, either."

That, of all things, is what makes you feel like an ice shard is being jammed into your chest. "I- I don't know about th-"

"I do," Argent cuts you off. "I'm not letting anything stop me from getting what I want, and that includes your selfish death wish, Serra Bui."

"What- I- I don't understand," you sputter out.

Still she holds you, still she refuses to let go. Her eyes are the same. You're locked in. It's not necessary to keep your gazes together, but her hands reach up to frame your face all the same, like it was the only way she knew how to get across the sincerity and intensity of what she felt.

"Do you really want to atone for what you did to me, or do you just want to die feeling less guilty?"

Shit. Seemed like Argent was the one who got the read on you, there.

"Both," you gulp. "I was hoping for both."

"Choose one."

"...I want to atone for you."

The smile returns to her face. Its source is far deeper into the well that is Argent's heart than anything you've seen before.

"Then you're not going anywhere until you've personally erased all the pain of that day. All the pain I could ever feel. Promise me. _Promise_, Serra."

You can't find the words to reply for several seconds. You can't find anything in yourself but quiet, tired acceptance, and... Christ, you're happy, aren't you?

You're happy to be wanted.

No, nothing as simple as 'wanted'.

You're happy that being here is what's going to make things right again. Being with someone rather than running away. All your usual, instinctual, depressive comments can't even find a purchase right now, not when Argent is so fully cognizant of your sins and still comes to this conclusion with such sureness. There is absolutely no room to doubt her. To doubt that this is the truth.

Your life is going to make someone else's better. For real. For how long, you don't know, but it will be _real_.

The tears start flowing again, but there's no shame now.

You match her smile.

"I promise you, Argent. Ximena."

**Author's Note:**

> just a small, very out of order scene to vent some emotions
> 
> tbh i have no idea how """canon""" this is to Serra Bui yet but at the very least she definitely does take Eidolon as her villain name. oops this spoiled it.


End file.
